


With iron wings and rust, he is Icarus falling once again

by ryanreynolds



Category: Dogma (1999), Generation Kill
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Alternate Universe - Dogma (1999) Fusion, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 06:15:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13184079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryanreynolds/pseuds/ryanreynolds
Summary: "'I love him', God whispers to his angel. 'I know', answers the angel, 'but I've loved him longer. I loved him first.'"Created to carry out God's anger for all eternity, Nathaniel can feel a little bit of himself slip away each time he calls down misery and death upon human kind. Brad is the only thing keeping him anchored.





	With iron wings and rust, he is Icarus falling once again

**Author's Note:**

> The title and the poem in the summary is by the absolutely wonderful [lostcap](https://lostcap.tumblr.com) on tumblr :)
> 
> AU inspired by Dogma, an absolutely amazing movie you should all go see now. It's the source of the winking Jesus, so that should win you over;)

“Nathaniel.”

He doesn’t turn around, just lets his wings spread, lets them keep him hovering, flying. There’s blood on his hands, there’s blood on his soul, and he knows that no one cares. He’s who he is, he’s who he was created to be.

He’s doing his duty, even though it kills him slowly as much as an Angel can be killed.

“Nathaniel.”

He looks down upon his creation, all the pain, all the misery, all the horror, all the deaths. He looks down upon the children screaming in terror, the mothers screaming in panic, the dying screaming in agony. They seem to all look up at him, meeting his eyes, accusing him of all that he has done.

They scream out for his Creator, they scream out for mercy, for Him to have mercy on them, to save them. He wants to scream at them, wants to tell them that he did not do this, that He does not care for him, for them. 

“Nathaniel.”

He knows exactly who is behind him, but he doesn’t turn around. At some point, even he will leave him. He is an angel of vengeance, and not just anyone’s vengeance. He is the Angel chosen to carry God’s anger out into the world. He is the one to call down fire from the heavens above, he is the one who lets tornadoes form, who lets hurricanes destroy and wreck havoc.

 _Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war_ , he almost laughs. The humans almost got it right.

 _Cry havoc and let slip the Angel of Wrath_.

He would do anything to tell the humans down below just who decides who lives and who dies. Who decides which lives shall be ruined forever because He cannot contain his anger. His wrath.

“Nate.”

He lets his eyes slip up, into the light of skies. The holy light of Heaven. Looking into such purity can almost make him believe that all the destruction he created doesn’t exist.

Nathaniel is not stupid, he knows the guilt of millions of deaths rests upon his shoulders. He lets God’s righteous vengeance strike the heathens, the sinful. A cosmic joke when he is the most sinful of all.

“Nate,” it’s a whisper now, and he closes his eyes, to the light, to the darkness he has shrouded the world in. “Come down.”

And there’s so many things he is capable of. Of creating natural disasters. Of channeling the fury of the Creator of all things. Of shining light. Of creating darkness.

But he’s never been able to deny Bradley anything.

So he spreads out his arms, spreads out his wings, and lets the skies swallow him.

 

He almost doesn’t turn, doesn’t want to. Bradley knows this, has always known that if he didn’t come to him first, kept him anchored, he’d never return.

“Nate,” he whispered as he enveloped him, and he let his wings disappear. “Nate, you’re alright.”

He lets out a pained laugh, and Brad’s grip on him tightens. “I know. I know I’m alright. Of course I’m alright. I’m not the one who’s had their whole town flooded by the deluge. I’m not the one hoping for mercy from the exact person who ordered my life _ruined_.”

Brad shushes him, and he almost wants to wrench himself out of the other Angel’s grip. “No, Nate. No, you weren’t. But you weren’t the one who gave the order either.”

Intellectually, Nate knows this. He knows he’s not the one to blame. It’s his sole purpose in life, to spread misery upon Earth as it so pleases God. To take away enough lives that God feels compensated for whatever transgression that has come across his path. He knows that he was created for doing only that. He’s never had a choice in his life.

But that’s not how it works, really, in the real world. In the real world, Nate is the one brings down hellfire from above. He’s the one who dissuades good Christians, Muslims, Jews from believing in their God. They want to believe that He wishes them well, protects them, when in fact, He is the one to order their demise.

“It’s not fair, Brad.”

And instead of answering like he always does, Brad just holds him tight. Nate doesn’t know he’s supposed to survive the next many millions years until Judgment Day, the Apocalypse, Armageddon, arrives. Until there’s no more humans to kill just because He is throwing a hissyfit.

They stand in the light of Heaven for what feels like years, Brad’s keeping him close, refuses to let anyone near him, refuses to let go, and Nate holds onto him in fear of flying away, of being captured by the winds and just letting go. Letting go of all that pain, all that guilt, all that shame, and just flying. Letting go of Nathaniel, letting God take him over completely.

He knows that Brad will never allow that to happen, and whenever Brad holds him, he doesn’t want that to happen either. So he holds on. He holds on for all he’s got.

“Nate.” Brad’s voice is quiet, is a whisper like it always is when he doesn’t want anyone else but them to hear his words.

He hums in reply. Can’t find the words to articulate any coherent sentences.

“Nate,” there’s something dangerous about his tone, something dangerous about the way he makes sure that only Nate can hear him. He almost tells him to stop. “Nate, you’re withering away.”

The only thing that can be heard is their breathing and their heartbeats.

“Nate, please. Please, for your own survival, let go.”

At first, he doesn’t understand. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to understand. What he’s asking of him is impossible, is forbidden.

Angels were created with one purpose, to serve God. To be the companions he could not find in humans, so like him and yet so unworthy. To be the slaves her didn't want humans to be.

“I fear,” and the fear is present in his voice, in his heart, and Nate shivers at it. “I fear, if you hold on, if you continue down your path, you will drown.”

He’s thought about it often enough whenever he’s been ordered to send yet another deluge. About cutting his wings, assuming mortality and then letting himself fall. Let him fall through the skies, through Heaven, through the air until he hit the water and was buried beneath the waves.

Drown like the humans he was forced to drown.

A fitting end, he’s though many a times.

“I can keep you tethered if you hear me,” Brad continues, “but if you let the pain take you in, you won’t hear me anymore. You’ll be lost to your own guilt, and it will be no one’s fault but His.”

 _Do you want to die for Him?_ is left unsaid, but Nate hears it well enough.

It’s treacherous words, too much like the Morning Star. Too far from how Angels behave. If He knew, if He heard.

“Would you give up everything to keep me?” Because that’s the price, the price they both know they will be forced to pay.

Brad yanks himself away from Nate, forces his eyes to meet his.

“I would give up the earth, the Heavens, and the Hells, to keep you.”

Nate looks into the blue, blue, blue, blue eyes of his companion since the oldest of times, and nods. 

“We will not be allowed to return,” he says, “you understand this? When the day of days arrives, and humanity falls into line to be Judged, we will not be allowed in. We will be bound outside forever. Our home will be each other, our end will never come. We will be Angels among men, we will be left behind when everyone goes om."

Brad doesn’t even wince at the words. His eyes are clear, icy blue. Nate knows a decided man when he sees one. He knows a man who’s thought everything through, has weight everything and found it all unworthy compared to Nate.

“I love you,” he then says because God cannot touch them when they’re together. Wherever they will be sent, they will be together.

“I love you,” Brad says and in the blue eyes of his, Nate sees the end of times, and he sees himself stare into those eyes forevermore and be at peace.

It’s not a bad way to spend the eternities. 

 

Brad lets go of him, and he doesn’t let the winds take him. He doesn’t let God take him over, and he doesn’t let himself fall.

Nate takes Brad’s hand as they walk though the Heavens, lets the hand remind of him of the eternity of warmth and love that is to come. Of how he will never be forced to kill again. How he might, once, have been created to kill whoever God wanted gone. That though he was created as a mindless, beautiful slave to the Creator, he is his own, he is Brad’s. 

They’re walking towards the end of their lives as they know it, but he never falters. He never feels as though his heart is being torn out of his chest.

Nathaniel is God’s favourite angel. The one tasked with the most precious part of the Creator himself, the only part of Him that isn’t infallible. But he has never belonged to Him. The only one he has ever looked at and wanted to stay with was Brad.

“Are you ready, Nathaniel?”

Nate lets his lips meet Brad, smiles.

“Let’s go home.”

Brad’s eyes doesn’t leave his as he says. “We’re already here.”

God knows everything, most of all the hearts of his Angels.

As they stare, the world dissipates around them and the ground disappears under their feet.

The last thing he hears in between the Heavens and the Garden of Eden disappear and waking up by the beaches of California, is Brad’s steady voice telling him, “no matter where, no matter when, I love you, and we will be together.”

He smiles and doesn’t feel the winds pull at him to relieve him of who he is anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like an hour, but I really hope you enjoyed it because I really enjoyed writing it :)
> 
> Also, should you ever want to talk about these two, the show, or any other HBO war show, hit me up at [henrycaevill on tumblr](https://henrycaevill.tumblr.com) :)


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